It is Weird to Say Hello?

The fifth day in this Company, I still don't feel settled.

I thought, sitting in my own private room in my old offices, which is of course totally comfy, is a relationship barrier with officemates. An invisible wall. But perhaps I was wrong. I used to easily warmed up within few days with my new found colleague.

I thought now sitting in a low-rise cubicle should speed up the ice breakers within few hours. Hell no! Right next to me, there's a cute mat salleh guy(Superman, he's just cute, but totally not my type..don't worry). He came in the office yesterday after his offshore duties. And now, after one and a half day, both of us never said a word to each other. Both didn't know each other's names. I don't even know what he's doing. This is bad. I blame it on my part too.

My brain was freezed. I couldn't recall names. I couldn't recall what their positions are. I can only recall their faces. OMG! And my mouth couldn't start a decent conversation. I feel like an idiot! I always imagine this very me right now, are the kind of people which has very low self esteem, thus, very shy and always sit at the far end corner or refuse to participate in social events. I am so not that kind of person. Well, at least as far as I am concern. Since when did I have this 'very low' self esteem?!! This frustrates me like nobody business. Its like a new kid trying to fit in a new school. I am not trying to be the popular girl. I just want to fit in nicely, without any drama.

But i'm lucky that most people here are very nice. I haven't seen nasty remarks been made about anybody yet. Still figuring out the social hierarchy and the office culture here. Maybe, it takes a cuppa coffe with my mates to extract the topics. It seems like they don't do gossip on the floor. That's very good!The girl that I'm taking over the place has been serving the project for two years at least, thus the most senior secretary. And i'm the greenest newbie. There's at least 15 more secretaries, I think? I wonder how I'm cut out for the role. Big change, big responsibilities indeed. But if i'm hired, means the Management trusts me so much aite? Whoaaa! Pressure is ON!

Update on the condo-hunting: Found another vacant unit in the same condo. Tonight, we will be meeting the owner. Praying hard, the same stupid thing not to happen again.:) Aishah...lil Sara can come and play! yeay!

Few More Hours, Please!

I found that my life has been a routine.

My morning starts at 6:30am, if you doesn't count the multiple alarm snoozing I made until the clock strikes 7am:) I took my shower and I had to get ready by 7.30am. After having my breakfast lovingly prepared by my Papa or Mummy, I hit the road by 7.45am for work.Work starts at 8.30am, ends at 5.30pm. I usually took dinner by 8pm. And by 9.30pm my eyes automatically enters pre-shut down mode. I rarely hit the bed after 1030am. Still, sometimes I felt that I didn't have enough sleep. And the cycle repeats itself 5 days a week.

I found it hard to break.

Maybe my body is not as fit like I was in university. Back then, I could wake up before 6.30am, did my morning prayers, hit the lake behind my college for a morning walk or run. And sometimes I went for swimming, at least thrice a week. No doubt, I was about 15kg lighter than now. Maybe life was simpler back then. I have breaks between classes. I was less stressed up. Money is not really an issue. No bills to pay under my name.

What should I do now?

p/s : Why the hell I became a whining bitch these few days?? Maybe I'm getting my period? Hrmmh..what a curse..oh no...its the hormones! Damn you hormones!

Another Round of UPSET!!!

Why oh why!!! Why bad luck's looming around me!!

Just got a text msg from the unit owner of the condo I was talking about;

"soli, cik mariam, pls to inform that my unit is unavailable for renting, as informed by my agent on yesterday, there is a client has confirmed n also has paid all the payments..thus today appointment have to cancel.. soli and thx"

What the fuck?? oh sorry... WTF?(lembut sket nampaknye)

We were waiting to meet her to sign the agreement and pay, after work today. I am quite excited. That, crushed me to the core.

Superman told me that we will still try to find other units. No matter what. F her!

It Should Be a Lovely Morning...Always..

I was still feeling sore from the event last night. My anger still haven't fully dissipate by the time I woke up. Decidedly, the 8 hours beauty sleep did make wonders. I felt somewhat calmer and ready to face the day. How I wish it was like yesterday's morning, every single day of my life. How I wish, I end my day with smiles like I was on honeymoon recently. How I wish.

I think, this won't bring any happiness if it is prolonged. I mean, sulking. I am easy to forgive people. But to forget is never easy.

I am not a perfect person myself. Being human we are blessed with emotional and intellectual capacity to learn from mistakes and improve ourselves. I also know that every changes we are trying to make needs time. After all we don't mature in one day. It takes years and years. Just that, if we don't want to change just because we choose to follow our ego, stopping ourselves from understanding the actual issue and continue blaming every other person all the time, how far do you think everyone will tolerate?

I know this entry is no fun. Its too serious for your liking. I am sorry. However it teaches each of you readers to have an open mind. Question yourself first before you start blaming others. Use kind words if really what you mean is good. I just don't get it when some says harsh words or actions, in the name of love. What's the rationale is there?

Negative=Positive.

Mismatched equation isn't it?

Terribly Hurt

This is a sad+angry+ashamed entry.
If YOU read this, please understand with all your heart.

You are everything to me.
You makes the world a better place to live in.

But then it all change now.

And I am hurt by your words, your voice, your gesture.
Undeniably, enveloped by your fury and clouded your judgement.
I don't understand why it has to be that way.
Did I not try? Did I not try many times?
Why can't you be a calmer person?
Why can't you think before you say things?
Am I not worth your respect?
Am I not everything to you?
Am I??

Today is Definitely Different!

I think Allah heard my prayers last night.

Today at office is very very nice. Still no works yet. But at least;

1) My desktop is set up. I have access to everything except SKYPE, FB, FS and MYSPACE. At least I can blog, blog hopping and chat on YM! yeay!!

2) I made friends! Not just one or two, but additional 9 person today. Hehe. We even went out for lunch at the Mines. They all just received their salary, whereas I am still waiting for the golden call from the old office. Big chance I can only enjoy the cash next week:(

Last night, Superman told me that his mum and little sister will stay with us at our new place until their new house in Klang complete its renovation. The current house has been sold and they have to move out by middle of May. That could be a good three months. Did you hear hesitation coming from me? To be frank I am quite nervous. I am usually good with people. But I am not sure about in laws especially MIL living together. But thinking that Superman is currently living with my family since January, and he seemed perfectly jived in, I think I should accept the situation with open heart. Yes Darling, I'll do it for you and to test myself. At least I have a nice swimming pool to relax shall I need a time out(but am feeling shy to wear my almost naked swimsuit with them around. A reason to shop for cover ups??Huhu).

O&G, so what??!

Today marked my first day working as part of Malaysian O&G industry. Am I proud of it? YES. Why? Because its hard to breakthrough. And I made it. Alhamdulillah.

But, I was so curious why majority of people was so gung-ho about it.

The answer arrived in the form of written texts, that is, the T&C for Local Employees from the Company. OMG. Helluva of greatness!! Staffs are paid  bonus if they stay with the company for at least 3 years! Talk about motivation for staying in the very same environment for such a long period of time. And other benefits are too good to be true in early Monday morning. I already made a promise to myself to stay focus and be positive. Come what may! :)

However, my first day is not glorious or energetic. My boss is overseas until next week. His secretary(she was transferred to a different department) who is suppose to handover to me was on MC. The desktop was not prepared by the IT officer. In the end I spent RM20.50 to buy magazines to fill up my day. By 4pm, I finished reading all of them, and went to the reception to borrow the newspapers. My neck was all strained. I didn't make any friends yet. Went to lunch alone. Everybody was so busy doing their works. Nobody was gossiping or on Facebook(still not sure whether it is allowed or not). There were about 200 people on the floor. Wonder whether everybody knows each other? I text Superman and few buddies every now and then. The environment was so different when I worked in ASTRO. One thing good about big companies like this is, everybody mind their own business. Good to focus on your job. But really, is it really healthy to be all about work at workplace? Aren't we all human?

What's your worst experience at workplace?? Tell me.

Perhaps, tomorrow will be a better day:)

p.s : I still love condo. Superman, please change your choice. I love you:)

CONDO vs 2-STOREY HOUSE

We are in the midst of searching for our love pad. Its a tough decision since we have very different tastes and yeah..limited budget. As next week I am starting my new job at an O&G company in the Mines, whereas, Superman still working in Setiawangsa, we need to find someplace located in the middle. Nice as well as easy to access. We don't fancy living in jungle:) Currently or at least until next year, we decided to rent. After selling our Kemuning house, it seems like every other options seemed pathetic. Nothing yet that screams BUY!!!!!!! Pathetic pockets of ours as well as pathetic housing options either by location or design or both.

But we can't be giving up so soon aite? What's more now that we are living temporarily with my mom in Kajang. Never a definite choice for a newly weds like us! I became somewhat lazy and uninspired. And its a bad thing to show off to my dear hubby. Geez!! 

This morning we went for house viewing at Sg Long, Kajang. One of the best choice in terms of location. Price-wise, ermmhh, so-so. Didn't expect it to be priced that high! So who says Kajang is no contender?! So firstly, we viewed a condo property, Greenview Residence.

 pic from iProperty

Really nice kan???

I immediately fell in love. Especially for the fact that it have a swimming pool! My knees went weak, so as my heart. And it was breathtaking! Actually that was the first reason I wanted the property so bad! Even the unit has a really nice view+big space. The security, superb. Very calm and clean environment. I don't see any reason for us to say No. Not even a slight 1% No. The rental price, just a tad RM150 more from our original budget. Hubby was not really keen. As expected. Ha ha!

The next property, was a 2-storey terrace house at Palm Walk. I realized that a good percentage of the properties in Sg Long was built with brick face walls. Easy maintenance. Just use water jet to clean up the surfaces! Hehe..I tried to open up my mind. The rental is cheaper. 

 pic from iProperty

But I almost jumped out of joy for the fact that the design was a bit silly! Maid's room as huge as the kitchen?! Yes, I can see myself swimming in the condo pool already! And finally, Mr Superman had to agree for the number one choice. Yeay!!!!!

But then, what is your choice for house to buy?

CONDOMINIUM vs 2-STOREY TERRACE

What's your take?

And why?

Still Feeling Like Vacationing!

On the way to the office this morning, my brother and I was talking about vacationing.

P.s We are so perasan. Both lack the funds. But we have big dreams. LOL!

Feels like going to Bandung again. For a real shopping adventure.

But when?? Anybody care to sponsor? ha ha ha.

Getting To Know Myself Better

Quiz result from Prevention.com
Softball..cool..but I don't have friends playing softball.

Volleyball..used to play for school.

Soccer..futsal maybe?

Dance classes..been meaning to join..hip hop or salsa??

Water aerobics..hrmh...sounds cool...low impact..

Martial arts..can I do it without my back pain acting up? I really miss kicking!

Trail running..never a fan of running

Swimming..always always!

So..where can I learn Tai Chi in Kajang??

Penang...Land of Stories...My Stories...

The first time I was living on my own, was in Penang. It was in 2001, fresh out of school. I received offer to continue my study in Penang Matriculation College in Kepala Batas. I hated the study part. But I love every minute of the freedom I got. That was when I had a really special adventures with my mates. Some still in good contact to this day including my ex-bridesmaid, Hannah and my ex-room mate, She @ Kambing, and my ex-housemate, Azea, as well as few others. And that's where I met my first ex-boyfriend. A total opposite of me. I don't know how or what makes me attracted to him. Maybe, the hormone was doing its 'thang'. haha! We spent alot of time cruising the Penang Island. Jetty rides. Bukit Mertajam. Komtar. It was all our craze. I even sneaked out of the college, early in the morning, to go to Sg Petani, to buy him a perfume for his birthday..or was it Valentine? I don't remember. Me and my room mates was chased by the guard up to the nearby Kampung when we sneaked out in broad daylight to go to Bukit Mertajam to celebrate one of our birthday at Pizza Hut. It was just a reason to go out. She was left behind when the bus that me and Farzy took, drove away before she even reach its back. But being so united, we waited for her to arrive at the bus station. Those were crazy days.

And I made few clubbing night getaway in Penang, when I was studying in UUM, Kedah. We were so deprived of city scene and entertainment, that we drove all the way to the island. Thinking how energetic I was, made me want to get back to my old shape. While writing this down, I glanced through the Prevention website on how to tone up and lose weight. I'm at least 15 kg heavier since I left university. Sedentary lifestyle and easy access to fancy food is really not a good thing!

Last weekend, I went back to this special island for honeymoon getaway with my loving husband, Mr Superman. His kampung is in Penang too. So we were not so excited to go to the tourist attractions. We chose to spend more time in the hotel itself. Enjoying each other company so much. The weather was really good. Superman had a blast watching bikini clad girls. Whereas I could only see awesome beach boys  swimming in the pool in front of our room, on the last hours before we checked out. Damn. Where have they been all the while I was there?! Darlings, I am not going to bore you more n more with words. I'll upload the pictures later ya. By the way, the money we paid for the Honeymoon Package at the Hard Rock Hotel in Feringhi, worth every single cent. The hospitality was above par. Its a 4 star hotel serving like a 5-star.

Do Not hesitate...

Yesterday's lunch time, I was joking with my colleague who is the PA of my boss about her weird tantrums. It turns out, she's choked with the situations that is becoming more apparent. Well, we were deliberating on how is it a person stops being a normal person, because of the job. At first, I thought my dear friend is a very perfect PA, since she seems so focused on the work, never really inserting her emotion and takes all the unbecoming situations as part of the job. Finally, she let me in her thoughts. I discovered, she's a normal person after all. But she tried not to think negatively, to keep her motivation intact. She has a daughter. Funny where a good meal lead us. So I said. "Dear, you have enough motivation, which is your daughter. I pray for the best of you while working here. But do not let the boss use you only to her advantage. Be firm. Don't be like me. Its hard for me to say no even though I hated it. If you are having problems, please do not hesitate to chat with me about it. I'm going to miss you, big sister." Yeah she's older than me.

Nothing Is More Important!

Laundry? no!
Dinner? no!
Calling dear Superman? no!
Charging my hand phone? no!
Sleep? Definitely no!



But yes to

Sex and the City re-runs!

Its sexy,its real. It teaches me how to be sexy and seduce my husband. Its for the good right?? Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. ahahaha!Although not in a traditional Asian way:) And I dream of being fabulous and hot in 10 years to come. Maybe hotter than now. Favourite character: Samantha. But who I really am? 80% Carrie. 10% Samantha.8% Miranda. 2% Charlotte. Warning for SATC newbies: Watch it with open mind. Be as Western-minded as you can. La la la!

Another FAT issue!

I left this part in the last entry.

Since this is going to be a beach holiday, I tried to find the most skimpy outfit to wear. And I missed my short shorts. Not that I have great legs. I always have thunder hips and all. But being by the seaside, will automatically makes me feel sexy. It always did. So I rummaged through my clothes boxes(yes, we haven't properly settled in my parents house). Found the treasure. Yeay. Out of nowhere, I felt like trying them on. 1..2...3...Bloody hell!!!! It was so tight!! On early last year, it was very loose. I even had to wear them with belts on! Now, I hardly can zip them up. Shitty shitty shitty!! So this morning, I woke up, feeling down at the sight of the shorts. I quickly put them in the box back. Together with all the short, tight fitting and sexy attires which I have avoided lately, out of shame and sickening social life since moving in with my parents.

Today, is a very very very unhappy, demotivated, sickening day. Feels like shopping. But can anything fit me now?? I don't want, don't want, don't want to go to the PLUS SIZE section. No no no no no no!!!!

P/S: Launching war against fat laden foods, in my mind.

Why is the Clock NOT ticking??

At least that's how I feel. Its 11.36p.m. Just finish packing up my stuffs for our Penang getaway. Super excited. Got myself a brand new goggle for the trip although my old one is perfectly fine. I just don't know why. I think I should have grab a new sunnies or hat instead. In my dreams since I just blew away my tiny budget. Was thinking of carelessly shopping beach dresses at the Ferringhi.

But then, I'm not going there so soon. Superman's going to drive up there first on Wednesday, early morning. I'm not going to see him until Thursday at Penang airport since he will start his journey there from his mom's home in KL.Starting to miss him already. Full of anticipation!

Annoyingly though, my boss haven't sign my UNPAID LEAVE form I submitted 2 weeks ago for this holidays. I don't care. I'm going anyway as she won't pay my leaves regardless if it is sick leave. Still weighing my options to complete my 3 days next week. My heart's completely thrown out of the office. Now, I regret why I was so baik hati to come back to the office after I got my last pay. I worry that she won't pay me for this month if I don't come back to the office again later. Its going to be a wasteful journey then. And I will have major problem to pay up my bills at the end of the month should she decided to get back at me. So, should I continue being baik hati or take the plunge??

Knowledge At Its Best

Truth is, sitting in front of computer all day long is an ideal job for me. However, my body is not designed for that as I'll feel restless, like something is not properly done looming in my head. I need to get out, see the world, and have fun with life. That is why I quit graphic designing as my day job. I turned into secretarial instead. Hoping to be able to meet numerous types of people and also hoping to stumble upon a boss who requires me to travel, giving a chance for me to see the world, all expense paid. However, that has yet to become a reality. 

Today, I'm watching Sex and the City reruns to kill off my time in the office.Immersing myself in Carrie Bradshaw's life as a writer, I'm feeling in love with the lifestyle. So free and yet so grounded. I always believe your career is your lifestyle. We can't really separate our 9 to 5 life and outside the office. Somewhere somehow, especially when your are a workaholic, it will continually intertwined. But being a writer like her, you write your life observations. It is really real. I wonder if something like that is meant for me. Writing in this blog, is already halfway from what it is. Just that, I am not getting paid. Have I wasted my time greatly? Is it time to have a career switch, again? Maybe the biggest question is, do I really have what it takes??

On a completely different story, I went to this blog, and found few interesting new words to my liking. I now knew that I am an ailurophile. And I have an effervescent persona. And I am a never a lissome girl. I need an elixir to lift up my spirit! he he...word is power!

It Ain't Laughing Matter Anymore..

I just came back from my outing with Mr Superman, alone. While I'm writing this, he's still at office. Yes, my outing today, ended up in his office. Not so bad though. Earlier on, I went to my best friend's niece's birthday party. So my tummy was stuffed to the max!

Well, when I reached home just now, I found myself in deep conversation with my mommy, sis and papa. Its about my aunty's behavior (see this entry) the other day. It irks me so much! To this day, it kept replaying in my mind. Very annoying. I hope by writing this out will makes me feels a whole lot better, if not settled.

One thing you must know about me is, I am not a pious Muslim.

My family on the other hand, is a firm believer to uphold as much as possible the pillars and syariah rules of Islam. I applaud that all the time, no problem. However, this very aunty I'm talking about, is a bit more extreme, and expected me to be at least in the same league as my family.

The issue here is, are you a better Muslim when your mouth can't stop criticizing other Muslims who's not outwardly speaks or act or personify Islam in her appearance? Do you really have the right to say such hurtful, demeaning words? Really, are you a better Muslim then??

Personally, I never feels so for those people. Justifying people just like that? Isn't that our prophet Muhammad, lead by example? Well, that should apply to anyone, right? How can you expect people to be perfect when you can't  project your own perfection, right? Oh just because you are covering from head to toe prays 5 times daily, reads the Quran and doesn't watch Channel E! and big fan of  Channel  Oasis on Astro, you have the rightful qualification to undermine the less pious Muslims brothers and sisters through your vocal and gaze? All that I can say is, you are downright moron! 

Well, fret not, I'm not really really angry. I'm just, annoyed. Never mind then. Now that I have let it out, I think I can slowly let it go. After all, I will encounter this kind of people everywhere. I hope with the education that we  have got, we can think with better mindset. Lets not limit our scope of relationships by the appearance, gender, sexual preference, ethnicity, skin colour or even religion. After all, we are all human. Lets embrace our freedom to mix with each other. At least, when we are in Malaysia:)

p.s : Its Sunday night. And I am dreading the Monday morning!!!

Special question : Will you change your appearance when your partner does not like what you are wearing just because he don't like it, even though it is not hideous and nobody ever complained your style?? Is it a sin to continue wearing things you like after you know he doesn't like it as you are feeling comfortable???

Will I DO It Again??

Yesterday's Saturday is one of my worst Saturday in life. I had to go through long hours of exam papers for the sake of a PTD position in the government. I didn't know whether the questions were actually hard or for the fact I didn't study for it makes it hard. But I think I did pretty well. But well, I wouldn't put on ANY hope for it. Thousands of other Malaysians was having it too. Scattered all over Malaysia.

Overheard a conversation between few girls outside of the hall after the 2nd paper(Maths).

Girl 1: It was hard, wasn't it?The maths sucks. I didn't have enough time to answer all! (phew...not only me then?)
Girl 2: Yeah, last time it was harder!Even the first paper makes me cringe. Hehe...Been through few times...This time is easiest. (Really????!!)
Girl 1: Is it???? Oh my. How many times have you tried this paper??
Girl 2: This is my 3rd. (Huh??I felt like giving up already!)

My brain was over fried by the time I finished it at 4:20pm. But it was fine when I saw Superman downstairs waiting for me. Ha ha..

So...will I do it again??   NO.

Exam Fever!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I have SPA(Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam) exam tomorrow morning. How laaa??? I haven't prepared anything out of laziness and not interested in it at all. I applied before I got my new job. Out of desperation and my family and hubby was so gung ho about working in government agencies. Its all because of the stability and benefits it offers. I am going ,  just so I won't get blacklisted in the future, just in case I suddenly feels like working with the government.

Tomorrow, I have few other things to attend. Promised Hannah to accompany her to buy some fabrics at Jalan Tar. And me, Superman and her are going to the tailor. The next thing will be my friend's birthday at Red Box Pavilion. 80's themed party. Aiyaaa..what should I wear???I think I don't have anything appropriate in my wardrobe. Reason to shop? But ain't got no money! Must buy present also!

Let today be a nice short day. :)

Can't Wait Can't Wait!!

In half hour I'll be having a site meeting. Something I hate to do really. But I ain't say no to amp up my resume. You see, how is it an Executive Secretary is handling a bungalow project management? Outstanding? Yeah. But hell, gotta do lots of convincing every time I go for interview, that I actually have that experience. 

I keep on counting the minutes for the day to end. To kill the time, I watch tvshack.net. Awesome. Like a cinema in your laptop. My brain n heart ain't here with me. Struggling hard to focus. 10 more days to go without the weekends. And next week I'll work less 2 days. I'm going to Penang with Superman. Contemplating whether to really complete the balance of 3 days after that. I don't see the point since I might complete my handover already by then. I'm getting paid by day anyway. Gotta nego with the boss. 10% chance she might let me go earlier. Will she??? Ha ha ha...

DON'T JUDGE will you??!

Just arrive home from work.
My aunty was around, visiting my mom.

Me: Assalamualaikum. Hi, how are you?
Aunty: Eh pakai skirt? (with cursory-looking-at-prostitute kindof look)
Mom: Dia kan orang putih.

Aku confused. Oh Mommy...what kind of answer is that?

Aunty, just because I don't wear big scarves and socks all the time like your daughter does, doesn't mean I'm bad!

DO NOT!!

Do not think of food now Mariam!!

Its only 5:19pm.

Oh my..this hormone doing its weird thing!

Rusty Me

Lately been feeling my slipped disc is coming back again. Maybe because of the fact I sat in the car for quite a long time daily, driving to work. Last Thursday and Friday, I took 2 days MC. Called up my boss to inform. Hoping for her to understand. Instead, I got harsh accusations and threat of legal action if I don't come back to work to perform the balance of  my one month service(13 more days!). Evil boss indeed!

Put that aside..I really miss being active. Most of the things that I love to do is forbidden right now. I love fast paced workouts like kick boxing. I love kicking so much. Ha ha. I'm not a fan of long run or jog. But right now, I would kill to do it, but hoping for zero pain afterwards. Doc advised me to do alot of swimming and yoga. Swimming, yes! Yoga? Oh no! Not really my cup of tea.;p Nowadays anything I do, I mean, not just for exercise, even for daily task, must be very low impact. I'm feeling so Ah So...a.k.a old aunty already!

But I read in an article, when you are having daily pressure from your life or work, your pain will be much more apparent. I couldn't disagree.

Over blown Anger!

Some people just won't content to accept things at face value because they are always suspicious of underlying motives. It makes things difficult and affects human relationship as it definitely spells TRUST ISSUE.

And my boss is suffering of that.

And I'm trying my best to restrain myself from saying something that I will regret later.

But she's annoying me to the max!

And somehow I believe she kindof enjoy making people suffer under her power.

But hell she won't admit it as she thinks she's a very compassionate down to earth person.

Well she was until I handed over my resignation letter.

DAILY MENTAL TORTURE.