Issues..yes I HAVE!

Ok, my happy time was quite brief these days. And during those brief moments I was not in the mood of writing. I know I have promised you happy stories after the last entry.

But I don't know, my hands dance faster when I am not in a good mood. I guess you now already know that I am not in a good mood right now.

Depressed? Oh please....I hate the word.

At work, I am in the midst of something big. At least that's how I view it. I'm organizing a big event for the team. I'm so happy that my boss trusted me on this, but at the same time it gave so much headache and heartache. Its really hard to satisfy every one. And even if you don't mean to tick anyone, some souls just won't settle until I follow their wants. Or rather not becoming so good at what I do. Is it wrong not to feel content and challenge yourself to become a better person? Oh dear Allah, please guide me to a better path, give me strength to complete this with all the madness surrounding me. The saying "It's lonelier when you are at the top" seems so true.

*Is this me or my pre-menstrual talking?*


Other parts of my life, hrmh..alot of negative dramas too. From family to marriage.Jeez, I sound like a drama queen. But really friends, I wonder why it must came to me at this very moment? Can't they come one by one? Or sparingly? Its a wonder how I could sustain my sanity. Not having any drama in your life is truly a boring life. I don't want that too!

Right now, I just feel like diving deep down into my swimming pool. Imagining that I'm looking at corals and colourful fishes. I can't wait to get away, away at least for awhile.

*Reality check: I am now at my office. Taking 10 minutes break. Its 7:07pm. Not sure when the day will end.*

Ain't A Good Thing

There's so much going on in my life. But nothing is news worthy at the moment. If I write..its going to be a cocktail of sombre+annoying+sad+negative vibes. Which is not really good for you lovely readers.

And hell yeah I don't want to be remembered as

SENSITIVE Bitch!

Till I'm back to my cheery happy mode, take care peeps!

How to be Nice but Not Too Nice?

~Pat your friend's back and smile while telling her she's good for nothing~

Am I Not Thankful Enough?

Is it wrong to say that you are bored with your life or work and you want something much more challenging or yearn better things in life? Does expressing your feelings mean you are not grateful?

I wonder?

Or should you choose between feeling content and not ask for more unless being given the 'rezeki' OR striving hard to create a better future using your sheer hard work and good brains+luck?

Arghhhh! What a Feeling!

1.Bloated
2.Lazy
3.Fat
4.Fat
5.Chubby
6.Fed up
7.Wants more cupcakes and ice cream.

Negative feelings.
Hate it so much!

Emotional nye aku hari ni!

Do I Have to Work?

It's 7:20am. 

Its Wednesday. Its a work day. But I am procrastinating getting ready.

Do I have to work Superman?

Do I?

Why can't I follow you to work? To wherever you go. Damn I sound so clingy. But I hate to sahur alone tomorrow morning. Maybe I just won't wake up. Easy peasy:)

Oh man, 5 days of holiday turned me into a lazy bum. Not a perfect housewife. I just don't  know how to be. I think my brain needs to be computerized like the Stepford housewives. Perfect..all perfect! And Superman can play his Xbox all day long without me complaining. "Oh Honey, please play more and more!" Clap clap clap!

Snapped into reality!  

Get ready now!!!

Car Type=Driver Attitude?

Do u like to be labeled?

But sometimes you've got to accept the fact that you are being labeled, like it or not.

Well this thing was in my mind for quite sometime but I just couldn't write it out since I was considering very hard whether it is appropriate.

Girls, some of us ladies were known to be attracted by certain things a guy is passionate about. One of it is their passion in cars. Or rather what they are driving. Some like sporty cars, some like luxury cars, and some won't really care. But I do care. I like luxury cars. But that was not what attracted me to Superman. His car at the time was not really luxe. Just decent:) 

I have a thing with modified cars. Especially those with the brand names of Proton Wira/Saga/Neo, Perodua Kancil, and old Civic. Its not a positive vibe. Time and time again they prove to be a brat on the streets. I tried hard to think that there must be some pure, calm and considerate souls driving these kind of cars. But I guess, with the modification that brings a greater vroom to the car, comes the attitude. You know, those idiotic/selfish/impatient drivers who can't wait to cross the street or speed up ahead of you although it was clear the road was not safe for such acts?? Besides not using their signals, some of them would even honk you if you are not driving fast enough! Hey you idiots, I was driving 110km/h already on coastal road lah! The cars in front of me was not cleared and the left lane was full of cars, and you kept on 'cucuk2' me! Wtf!Are you having a diarrhea or sth??!

If you, or your bf/hubby/daddy/bros/friends are in this category, I'm sorry if you don't like this entry. But really,these culprits MUST stop annoying other drivers! Be calm. Jiwa selamat! And turn your audio volume down while driving in residential area, especially at night. Drive in the right lane. Use your signal. And be considerate will ya?! 

Girls, if guys carrying this big ego while driving, do you think he will lower himself to accommodate your feelings? I wonder. Wow, that is quite a different issue. But really, if he's that bad on the road, can he really be a calm-no-attitude person off the wheels?

Its  almost Raya. Keep yourself safe on the roads lovelies. Think of your love ones. Think for your well-being too! XOXO!

What Does It Mean??

Yesterday whilst at office and listening to Era station on my KM900 cell, an ustaz was giving this short talk. The content made me ponder my own motive. "Some people only feels hungry and thirsty after fasting the whole day." What else did I get from my own fasting? 90% hunger and thirst.10% yawning in the middle of the day + wishful thinking on Raya shoes+bag+baju kurung.That's it. 

I felt totally ashamed. Did I just realized that I blatantly doing this for the sake of fasting? Oh my my! My mom would have cried knowing her well-schooled daughter was not really absorbing the true hikmah of fasting. Its been awhile since I really follow the true path of Islam. I missed out alot on solat. I rarely read Quran. I don't wear hijab anymore. Oh god. What have I became? Not pointing fingers to who caused me this way. Just pointing it back to myself. I know. I'm an adult.  My parent did great sending to me to religious classes and teaching me good stuffs. I chose not to follow. But again, I believe, to do something good and holy shall start from the bottom of your heart. Forcing will only make me feel not sincere, thus, hypocrite. 

I always wonder why some of my friends who went to the same school, could sustain their religious appearance. Whereas I could not? Never wish to do this. But at one point in my life, I questioned myself. Did I do it because I fully embraced the teachings or because, I just afraid not to Allah, but to my parents or to other people like friends and family would say??Afraid to be different?Maybe I should start small ain't it? One step at a time. Again.Like a small child. Shameful. But for betterment?

Pondering  a bit deeper, maybe this is the reason my life isn't so great lately. Maybe I forgot to say thank you to Allah. Maybe I did not donate more than I should. So Allah took some things away. Some things that I thought I didn't have to worry until suddenly its not there anymore.Luckily, he didn't take all away.

I don't know why I felt so melancholic this Wednesday morning. Usually I could sleep well after my sahur. But today, the eyes just wouldn't shut. So I made peace and wrote these instead. Maybe that white coffee I had is doing its caffeine thingy?!

Sorry guys for posting this ridiculously sombre mode writings. I just need to let out. I'm not really good expressing myself verbally, but I know I am damn good in writing. 

Yesterday also, I felt the pang of missing something I love to do and always will, being crafty, designing something. You know, every time I felt the office works was overwhelming, I kept going back to my fav design blogs, for five minutes breaks. It gave me 'zing'!

Its 7:20am. Gotta get ready for work! Lucky me the office isn't so far away.:)

Do You Have to Say Something Everytime I Say Something?

Well as I am writing this, my heart is felt with remorse. I feel dumbfounded of what unapealing effort to ruin people's day by someone whom I am trying hard to think nicely about her. Like bringing issues with no valid ground just so people can see that she has something 'brainy' to say and trying very hard to make other people's ideas seems less 'brainy' than hers. What is it actually these kind of people want? Did she lack the attention she badly wanted?Or did she enjoy making people look stupid? I continue to wonder.

Dear Allah, bless me with the right guidance to walk through this thin path to successful career and life. Ease my fear, my burden and my negative mind so that I can clearly see what is the right answer in every decision need to be made. Oh Allah, my merciful God, protect me from all the bad influence so that I won't create enemies along the way and the love I received from you, family, husband and friends remains intact.Oh Allah, bless me all the way!

What's Next in Life...

Reflecting on my last entry...

I am not pregnant. Got the answer on the same day as Mr Red Flag gave me a visit. What did I feel? Relieved? Yeah. Happy? Not. I am not quite sure. And since then Superman has this weird dopey grin when he saw babies, babies pictures, babies this and babies that. Oh baby baby baby baby.......I wonder whether a pair of big round eyes, looking at us and crying out loud to have her milk sucked from my suddenly augmented breast will be everything in this sacred union of our hearts?

Happy to hear dear Diana is becoming the Mak Long of BVians as what was quoted by Yash in her blog. And last week, Norzie, my university friend found out she's 4 months pregnant too. And also few others, which I couldn't recall who got knocked up first. Seems like everybody is getting knocked up! Hey you knocked up readers, congratulations! Take care and do let me know when your lil tots arrived in this world ya!

And yes, I feel weird. I'm half way towards our anniversary. But I am still in awe of wedding dresses. Don't you think its weird too?When will I ever get over with this wedding obsession??!

On recent Friday, I accompanied Superman to Kuching for his work trip. Well , besides pitying him, bored to death in between flights and meetings, I jumped to every opportunity to see the world! FOC! Who doesn't want that?Lol! With careful planning at work, I sent out my leave application form, hoping my very best that it will get approved. At the end of Thursday, I was running here and there, making sure all tasks was completely done before I went jet setting. Unfortunately, there was still some left, which I had to ask my colleague to continue only after my lovely boss whisked me away, afraid that I was not able to catch my flight. Love you Boss! It feels like a second 'unplanned' honeymoon. Quite a spontaneous trip since we only relied to our trusted GPS tor  tell us where the tourist attraction in Kuching. Tell you what, don't trust your GPS completely as we ended up visiting a jogger path in front of a school and swimming pool next to PTPTL college!We had a major laugh when we arrived at these so called tourist attractions. After hours of  false destinations, we went to one of the shopping mall, sipping Coffee Bean ice blended. Superman finally searched through WiFi internet, and that was when we found some real touristy places. Cut it short, we became the last visitor at Semenggoh Orang Utan Rehabilitation Centre. Another false info, of which we were told it closes at 5pm, whereas we were politely whisked away by the officer at 4pm. Well, it was almost dark. Its a jungle out there. Real natural habitat where the orang utans was not caged, wildly bred, and we humans are the intruder. It was cool that we managed to snapped few pictures and some insightful briefing from the ranger. I went there when I was in secondary and it was not much different. But now they put up some noticeboard to caution people of the dos and don'ts at the area. There was also images of orang utans attacks which scares me good! 

Eh no, not trying to scare you or making you to think that they are monsters. No they are not. A real wild orang utan, are quite shy and they are hard to be seen. They are almost impossible to find nearby the viewing and feeding areas. However, those that had the history of being kept in captivity or getting human touch are the ones which we should watch out. Although they are used to us, but they still have unexpected behavior. In a funny note, they were named like human such as 'Delima' and 'Annuar'!

I want to upload some pics for you to see but my laptop suddenly couldn't read my memory card. Until then, smile always! Please smile back when someone smiles at you. You just make life so much better. So smile!:)

It's Not Right!

I have a story or rather a thought, which I have summed up since yesterday. But couldn't find time to rant due to work overload.

Something stupid happened while I was busy and tense yesterday morning. It brought me to angry, sad and dumbfounded emotions but also, an awakening. Remember I told you about my housewarming cum birthday party to be held soon. Yes dear, very soon, next week. Saturday to be exact.(Again, I am terribly sorry for not being able to make an open invitation to all of you, lovely readers). So I ordered two birthday cakes(well, we are going to celebrate my eldest sis, sis in law and lil nephew as well as mine) from a baker in Bangi. I hate to name her. I am still pissed. And I am not a heartless moron who loves to downgrade people and crush someone else's business, especially when she is from my own native. But then, girl, if you read this, please upgrade your customer service and revoke your unfair "akad"/rules.

I am a very "vocal" person when I am upset. Well, only in writing. In person, I tend to hold my tongue unvoluntarily. Its really hard to translate my negative emotions verbally there and then.

I made a deposit which was 1/3 from the whole amount about a month before. So I thought, that should be enough and I will pay the rest COD or just before fetching it from her home.Last week she emailed a reminder. So I said of course I will pay before the day. You see, I didn't realize there was  an "akad jual beli" / terms in her email before as I didn't read properly. It says I have to pay full by 20/5/2010, which was more than one month away from the event date! My excitement clouded my judgement. Classic case, huh? Okay, that could be my fault for overlooking but unfortunately, aggreeing with whatever it was, when I paid the deposit.

Rationally thinking, I wouldn't even agree to such condition imposed by her OR anyone else, selling food/service like this. Do you agree with this?;-
The product she is selling is in food category. Usually when it comes to food/service industry, its normal that the vendors ask us to pay a certain percentage of the amount and pay the rest only AFTER you experience the service or see/check the food. Think when you hire a caterer for your wedding/events, would you pay the whole amount before the event? When you eat at McDonalds, don't you check your order before you pay? And at spa or hotels, would you pay before you are being lavished with their skills and hospitality? Would you? And my argument is, why would you pay the whole amount of a cake when you can't even see your can't-wait-to-click-your-camera-and-eat-all you-want-but-sayang-coz-it's-very-enxpensive cake yet??

I became much more pissed with her when she said this to me:

"i taknak cakap byk sebab u tak faham apa itu akad jual beli"
"I don't want to say more because you don't understand what is T&C"

Shits, what more worse can I get kan? I am the customer and she could say something downgrading like that to me???!! So I did some research. I wonder whether I am what she said. And whether she really is "celik ilmu" more than me. This is what I got;

"Dalam Islam, sesuatu yang ingin dijual itu perlu wujud dan ada dalam pemilikan penjual ketika akad dilakukan.
Jika barang yang diakad tidak wujud ketika akad, ia boleh mewujudkan unsur ketidaktentuan mengenai kemampuan penjual menyerahkan aset itu kepada pembeli.
Dalam perundangan Islam, kontrak jual beli boleh menjadi akad fasid jika penjual gagal menyerahkan barang yang diakad ketika akad dibuat."-Muhammad Hisyam Mohamad, Felo Pusat Ekonomi dan Kajian Sosial, Institut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia. the link is here
(For non-muslim readers, FYI, "akad jual beli" is a T&C of purchase between vendor and buyer. This quote explains that in Islamic law, the product must be available when you do the agreement. If not, it will bring uncertainty element fo the vendor to deliver the products to buyer. In the Islamic law/Syariah, it can be anuled if the vendor could not hand it to buyer when the agreement was made. However in the service/food agreement, the vendor should not impose full payment before the product being delivered. Don't you think so??)

So, am I still  tak faham by now? Please....

I am not trying to prove whether I am better than her, but I really hate it when someone can blatantly downgrade me. Watch your mouth sister!Tak sayang business ke?Word of mouth is much more powerful than you can imagine you, know!.But nah...I'd rather focus on more positive and rewarding things than continue with this bad feelings. Now that I said it out loud, peace yo!


Note: Do we have to agree with unfair T&C imposed by sellers? The ball is in your court. I am no supporter, that's for sure.

Constipated

I ate alot, but I didn't eat proper food lately. I mean fiber rich foods. Therefore I am suffering from my self made constipation. My tummy is feeling hard. Damn.

Less caffeine which is water sucker, more fruits and vege. Yeah yeah yeahh...

My friend is getting married. Two in fact, during this weekend. I was torn which one to attend. Finally, I made up my mind. I will attend Diana's at Malacca, for her solemnization. And Ainul's for her reception, which I will be giving a speech. Fair eh? Happy Kawin Kawin dearies! Goodbyeeeeee singlehood!

Since I attended Safety Day event last Tuesday, my mind became quite alert about safety issues. I used to mock and detest everytime Papa said, "Wear your seatbelts, don't wait until you got flagged down by the traffic police!." We children always thought Papa being Mr Goody Two Shoes about it, since police were usually busy manning the traffic they didn't even realized we were not wearing seat belts! But thinking back, he was working as Safety and Health Officer. It became his second nature to be very alert about all these. Not just over reacting. Working in this O&G industry, I realized, they are SUPER concerned about health and safety issues. A rare occurence in my previous offices. Now that I had a rude awakening from the long video presentation "Remember Charlie"-about a guy who got burned 45% of his body. He said, a mistake he made for not following the safety rules at work, became a lifetime regret. One stupid mistake! All the while before that, he always thought "It's not going to happen to me" everytime he was being reminded in daily briefings. So now, I don't feel easy not wearing the seatbelts while driving!( Skema la pulak aku!)

Okay guys, worry not. Just be aware in everything you do. As the saying says, "No human is perfect." But all that we can do is, be as perfect as possible. So that we will not say "If only..." once something bad happens. Regrets will only dampen your spirit.Take care!

What If Someone is YOU?

I spent my Sunday, communicating with the owner of a FB profile that impersonates my BIL and sis. I am not going to deliberate the situation and the reasons.But then, its intriguing to think that someone would actually take time, energy and emotions to do all that.

I knew few other souls who unfortunately got the same situations. People would actually think its them, friends will spill their secrets, invite them to events and such.Sometimes, sexy or rather private pictures was put up. I think if you are a rational and discrete person in real life, why would you put up such pictures for the world to see right?I pray to Allah, that I would never get the same fate. I hope I didn't pissed anyone like that!And if I do, I seek your forgiveness. Spare me from all the trouble to sue you, crazy cyber criminals!

I also think, this criminals actually have Attention Deficit Disorder. Its like they want to be heard, but they don't want to blatantly tell you that. Or maybe some other forms of psychological terms. Well I ain't a psychatrist. I don't have the credibility to diagnose them. But all I know is, their souls were disturbed, and they have problems channeling their anger and frustrations or yearnings. May Allah bless them and makes the world a better place to live in. Amin...

Miss You!!

Hey you readers/paps/friends...(pergh perasan ade paparazi nak tau sangat pasal hidup aku!lol!)

I miss you.

Today, it felt quite overwhelming.

With works piling up. And now, my boss is back from his vacation, I definitely must amp up my serious-secretary mode:you know, pretending to be seriously engrossed with something while looking on your computer screen, hands on keyboard!;p hehehhe...

Pity Superman. His most anticipated interview this morning was cancelled. He was already there. Stupid. The hiring manager made last minute decision to postphone without acknowledging him before he reached the office. On positive note, it gives him more time to get more infos.

This morning, no, I mean everytime I was listening on radio which is on Mix.fm, I was always forced to listen to one annoyingly stupid commercial-GUOCERA TILES. Its hard to explain here. But in case you really want to hear it, turn on the station, or stream online the show here. They sound ridiculous. Very scripted and lacks personal touch from the voice talents. I think, I will have to post its record here, just so you will understand what the hell I am talking about. Anybody noticed?

I'm turned on by lemon yellow shades lately. Maybe because it is spring season. That's the idea for my housewarming party theme. I can't wait. It will happen in June, which coincides with my nephew's birthday. Actually, me, my eldest sister and my SIL as well as few friends, was born in June! Perhaps it will be a good month for celebration. Yeay!

I brought my gym pack to office today. Planned to workout after office hour. Its just in Level 1, in my office building. Available FOC for all staffs of the Company. What excuse can I give for not working out eyh?? But really, I'm kindof tired for no apparent reason. Can that be the excuse for today?:D

How are you today? Are you happy or sad? Why dear?? Talk to me: mariambdlzz@yahoo.com.sg

Exhausted of..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

MONEY

CUPCAKE

LOVE

.

.

.

.

.

Need extra, 

with no priority in order.

All need 

NOW!

It is Weird to Say Hello?

The fifth day in this Company, I still don't feel settled.

I thought, sitting in my own private room in my old offices, which is of course totally comfy, is a relationship barrier with officemates. An invisible wall. But perhaps I was wrong. I used to easily warmed up within few days with my new found colleague.

I thought now sitting in a low-rise cubicle should speed up the ice breakers within few hours. Hell no! Right next to me, there's a cute mat salleh guy(Superman, he's just cute, but totally not my type..don't worry). He came in the office yesterday after his offshore duties. And now, after one and a half day, both of us never said a word to each other. Both didn't know each other's names. I don't even know what he's doing. This is bad. I blame it on my part too.

My brain was freezed. I couldn't recall names. I couldn't recall what their positions are. I can only recall their faces. OMG! And my mouth couldn't start a decent conversation. I feel like an idiot! I always imagine this very me right now, are the kind of people which has very low self esteem, thus, very shy and always sit at the far end corner or refuse to participate in social events. I am so not that kind of person. Well, at least as far as I am concern. Since when did I have this 'very low' self esteem?!! This frustrates me like nobody business. Its like a new kid trying to fit in a new school. I am not trying to be the popular girl. I just want to fit in nicely, without any drama.

But i'm lucky that most people here are very nice. I haven't seen nasty remarks been made about anybody yet. Still figuring out the social hierarchy and the office culture here. Maybe, it takes a cuppa coffe with my mates to extract the topics. It seems like they don't do gossip on the floor. That's very good!The girl that I'm taking over the place has been serving the project for two years at least, thus the most senior secretary. And i'm the greenest newbie. There's at least 15 more secretaries, I think? I wonder how I'm cut out for the role. Big change, big responsibilities indeed. But if i'm hired, means the Management trusts me so much aite? Whoaaa! Pressure is ON!

Update on the condo-hunting: Found another vacant unit in the same condo. Tonight, we will be meeting the owner. Praying hard, the same stupid thing not to happen again.:) Aishah...lil Sara can come and play! yeay!

Few More Hours, Please!

I found that my life has been a routine.

My morning starts at 6:30am, if you doesn't count the multiple alarm snoozing I made until the clock strikes 7am:) I took my shower and I had to get ready by 7.30am. After having my breakfast lovingly prepared by my Papa or Mummy, I hit the road by 7.45am for work.Work starts at 8.30am, ends at 5.30pm. I usually took dinner by 8pm. And by 9.30pm my eyes automatically enters pre-shut down mode. I rarely hit the bed after 1030am. Still, sometimes I felt that I didn't have enough sleep. And the cycle repeats itself 5 days a week.

I found it hard to break.

Maybe my body is not as fit like I was in university. Back then, I could wake up before 6.30am, did my morning prayers, hit the lake behind my college for a morning walk or run. And sometimes I went for swimming, at least thrice a week. No doubt, I was about 15kg lighter than now. Maybe life was simpler back then. I have breaks between classes. I was less stressed up. Money is not really an issue. No bills to pay under my name.

What should I do now?

p/s : Why the hell I became a whining bitch these few days?? Maybe I'm getting my period? Hrmmh..what a curse..oh no...its the hormones! Damn you hormones!

It Should Be a Lovely Morning...Always..

I was still feeling sore from the event last night. My anger still haven't fully dissipate by the time I woke up. Decidedly, the 8 hours beauty sleep did make wonders. I felt somewhat calmer and ready to face the day. How I wish it was like yesterday's morning, every single day of my life. How I wish, I end my day with smiles like I was on honeymoon recently. How I wish.

I think, this won't bring any happiness if it is prolonged. I mean, sulking. I am easy to forgive people. But to forget is never easy.

I am not a perfect person myself. Being human we are blessed with emotional and intellectual capacity to learn from mistakes and improve ourselves. I also know that every changes we are trying to make needs time. After all we don't mature in one day. It takes years and years. Just that, if we don't want to change just because we choose to follow our ego, stopping ourselves from understanding the actual issue and continue blaming every other person all the time, how far do you think everyone will tolerate?

I know this entry is no fun. Its too serious for your liking. I am sorry. However it teaches each of you readers to have an open mind. Question yourself first before you start blaming others. Use kind words if really what you mean is good. I just don't get it when some says harsh words or actions, in the name of love. What's the rationale is there?

Negative=Positive.

Mismatched equation isn't it?

Can I Get These

I vowed not to spend my working time with nothing although
there's actually nothing for me to do. Really.
So I've been bloghopping. Websites browsing.
And made myself felt less adequate in all sorts of things.
From knowledge to fashion staples.

Its quite disturbing that I kept on wanting for more.
Well, it is normal human desire to want more
than what they have already got.

But then, when what we want is something out of reach or we simply have no idea that we should be wanting to have them until we stumble upon on it, it is quite disturbing ain't it?

Or rather, annoyed.

Why are we being blatantly fed with advertisements and articles all around. The list keeps growing. And when we couldn't cope with the acquisitions, frustrations sets in.Inadequacy continues. While new things keeps popping up. Vicious cycle.

But I'm not all negative about it. In another perspective, it pushes me to work for more. Being more observant and more creative is all it takes to be better after all. At least, I have a purpose in doing things. Like I try to get more RM so that I can afford that COACH Signature Spotlight and that ZARA brown shoes that I can't stop thinking about since last Friday. Selfish? Perhaps. I could be more angelic by spending the hard earned money for my parents or helping my hubby in household expenses. But then, will I be calm? No? Yerp. I will keep thinking about it. Restless day and night. Yes. I'm torn. But, I never claim myself an angel. Did I?LOL!

Mental Note: Love love sacrifices.

I Just Don't Know Why

I still dig into Weddings blogs and websites.
Envying over this dress and that dress.
Crafting in my mind on another gorgeous cake.
Updating myself with new door gifts in the market.
And still thinking of replanning my wedding.



Possibly..
I just love weddings.
I just love planning.
I just love wedding gowns and wearing one.




Can I have another wedding?