Friday, October 9, 2009

What Will I Be After Getting Married?

Someone asked me.
So i asked myself.
It is still inconclusive.

What will I be next?
I think that question relates to all sorts of things.Like:
Home Location, Lifestyle, Economic Status,
Personal Preference, Determination?Eh?

And of course..Superman's consent.

Actually this is not recent.
I can't think straight and clearly at the moment.
I'll go ahead with the wedding+honeymoon first.

Then, I will dread to face the reality. My life.
I still can't see the situation for the next 5 years.
Except wanting to live dynamically as a loving married couple with him.

But I do have aspirations..dreams..angan2.
I'm not sure which to grab first.

Frankly. I havn't found satisfaction in my career yet. Do I have a career?? No.

Do I want to make my current job as my career. Can. But, without proper certificates, I won't go anywhere. I graduated as a Bachelor of Multimedia. Now I'm working as an Executive Secretary. Vast diversion ha?? I love for the fact it pays me well. More than the usual pay of a graphic designer with my years of working experience in design industry gets. But what next? Company secretary? Or forever an Exec?
Assisting my boss the very same thing over and over again everyday. Is that what I aspire myself to be forever?
I want to be the front runner. The one flying here and there. I just want to be better.

Someone said, I ought to run my own business.
But what?? Am not sure I have the capacity. But I know I'm creative.
Just that I'm afraid I'm not smart enough to be the boss.

Should I pursue my study? Study the things that I really2 wanted.
And hope to work as one. Something that I can really call a CAREER.
Something that I've been dreaming off since I was a little kid.
The course that I dream studying is usually full time, will take demanding hours
and energy to complete the course project .
Will Superman sacrifice for that??
Can I hold a full time office job to make sure the money still runs at least for my own?
Or can I do some small businesses that involves my creativity and quit my current job?
I don't feel good to burden him for my personal satisfaction.

Its too complicated to think now.
I wish I'm not this fussy, too ambitious, and just follow the tide.
Swim wherever it brings me on its own pace.
I'm like a piranha, racing for the food.
Waiting is painful.

Congrats to Bai to finally made the decision to continue her study.
Also to Ninie for relentless studying this and that.
And also to those who follows their heart desire and
being very strong to sacrifice their money, time, energy and young age
to find something they truly desire.
May your wishes comes true.
And may Allah gives me the determination too and help me control
my careless loving of sweet nothings which left me unsatisfied in the end.

Note to myself:
Mariam, you better be true to yourself.
Work hard and smart. Build your glorious life now.
Stop kidding yourself!!!

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