The Raya That I Missed

Back then, when I was a really small child, I was very very excited when it comes to Raya festival. Puasa??Not really. Except the bazar Ramadhan foods. It was everyday responsobility for me and Papa to buy cakes for iftar. All that was in my mind, Raya. Why??
Have these:
1. Ang pow a.k.a duit raya
2. Ayam goreng berempah
3. Mercun roket
4. Bunga api Thunder cats
5. Baju Raya(dulu2 mesti ada baju kurung+jeans+tshirts/shirts)
6. Kasut Raya

Those were my personal fav when it comes to Raya. Untill now.

When I grew bigger, somehow the Raya fever became lesser and lesser. I think it all started when I learnt to fast for a full month at the age of 8 years old. I remembered, I ended my fasting at school one day because I was so hungry, and my mom did not speak to me untill the next day. I was so sad and so scared. Alhamdulillah, my parents never thaught me puasa by giving me money for each day I managed to complete my puasa. However, my biggest surprise was when I received a watch from Papa as a present during 'salam2' session with family members.

I love-hate the salam2 session after Raya prayers in the morning.
Its our family ritual every year. What's yours?
Why love?? Because that is the time when I can see each other's 'innocent faces and felt closer to each other than any other time.

Why hate?? Because at that time, my parents allow ourselves to express our dissatisfaction or our views on what is wrong and what is right among ourselves especially about behaviors. And we were thaught to say it precisely, and to whom you are talking about, in a very civilized manner. Yep, usually the truth hurts. You can choose to accept or not. But no bickering. Just listen and analyse.

But its all for the better. We then strive to find solutions and to advise of the best way to change. After that salam2, asking for forgiveness and raya wishes, and hug each other. No pun intended. That's how my family does. To me its beautiful.

I think that is what makes me who I am today. Some people might say I'm a nagging girl or a big complainer. Some might even say my mind loves to see things in a negative way. Personally I think its about being brave enough to talk about uneasy things when most people would let it go or ignore it completely although its clearly wrong/impropriate. I believe, you can't change the world all by yourself, but you should voice out when you can and not be scared. But of course in a proper way. Oh damn..now I'm talking seriously pulak. Sorry if I bore you people.

Okay okay back to raya ramblings. Things that I missed.

I miss my kampung at Malacca like how it was.
When my Nenek was still alive. When the well opposite my Nenek's house was used by us, the little cucus to mandi in cold mornings. When there was a mad dog 'guarding' at the timber shop next to her house. And we stupid cucus love to go near him because he will bark non stop but he couldn't go anywhere because he was chained to a pole. Kesian dia. And my nenek will hambat us to go inside whenever we were still playing outside during Maghrib time. When all of my aunties have no problems to sleep in the big house together with each other families. And when everyone was around, we went to Medan Ikan Bakar at Umbai and sit in a long row of tables .And like-age cousins sit together and tackle one big fish just for ourselves. But it all changed when my Nenek passed away when I was in secondary school, our unity factor. Pretty sad really!

I miss the Raya time when I was viewed as a child.
Back then they did not expect of u more except to score As in your UPSR, PMR and SPM. And they love to give you big fat angpows. And sometimes, clothes. And they will ask you things because they really want to know about you. At least that was how I felt. As you grew bigger, they will start to ask more serious issues. And at this working age, some try to gauge how much your income, sometimes blatantly. Come on, its raya time laaa!! And of course you are the one being asked for angpow from tiny tots. hahaha.. the world goes around so fast. I think I havn't enjoyed enough getting angpows! But its a good way to add up your pahala and the joy of giving is unspeakable!

I miss 'Visiting' my school friends.
Visiting lah sangattt!! Actually we wanted to acquire the angpows from their parents! ahahaha. Siap compare okay...bapak siapa bagi banyak sekali.. kalau dapat syiling2 50sen tu mmg kene kutuk abis aaa..haks!

And last but not least...

I miss getting excited of Raya.
True. Takdelah tak excited langsung. Just that its in a different way. Ya..nowadays..comes celebration, comes planning. Comes the budget planning especially. See it gets complicated. Jeez..Now I know what it feels like being the one paying things. When we were younger all was taken care off by Papa and Mummy. Tunjuk je ape nak. Tak dapat, we sulked. Hahah...Kejam tul kat Papa and Mummy. Now, we siblings, have to fork out the preparation for parents house and for our own AND our own houses/families. hahahah. Responsibility bebehh.. I think most of you who's already a working adult would have understand this. Takpelah...just do it out of love not terpaksa. Tak baik beb. Tak berkat. Pahala pon cinonet. Entah2 tak dapat langsung! I think no matter what I do or give to them won't compensate completely all the LOVE and MONEY they spend on me while growing up. Thank you Papa and Mummy. Please live as long as I live. I still need your guidance and care forever.

to readers, be it friends or foe,,

Thank you so much for reading my ramblings.
However,
Heartiest Sorry.
Maaf Zahir dan Batin
atas segala keterkasaran bahasa,
sekiranya berlaku kegurisan hati dan kesedihan berpanjangan
dari apa yg telah saya katakan di dalam blog kesayangan saya ini.
Saya hanya manusia biasa yang kadang2 terlalu mengikut perasaan.
Minta maaf sekali lagi..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri.

This year will be my last Aidil Fitri Celebration as a single girl.
May Allah bless it and becomes one of the best memories in my life.
Same goes to you.
Drive Carefully. Eat Healthy.
And try not to speak nonsense after you have already said Minta Maaf Zahir Batin.
heheheh.

XOXO,
YAM