I'm Back..

for jenguk2 je!

Hahah.. Yes, here I am writing to you as promised. Once in awhile.

While writing this in a freezing cold office, also while listening to raya songs, my heart kept thudding with something...nostalgic. Hard to express it by words. My tears welling up. Pfft..what the hell? But of what, I don't know. Just heavy with emotions. I think the songs are poison.

This year, a lot of unexpected things happened within my family. A lot of sad stories, interlaced with happy news.

I am really happy that my parents are still alive to this day. The biggest situation was when my mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After my mum's stint in the hospital and up and down with fever, infections whatnot, I was really worried about her, and kept wondering, until when? Now, for the moment, I just want them to live as long as possible. Of course I can't control that, it's in the hand of the almighty. But nearing the Raya celebration, I can't help to wonder, what it feels like if I won't be able to celebrate it with them? You know, if they are gone too soon? Their faces and bodies have shrunken, like old people expected to be. My papa's hearing is really bad too. It seems not so long ago that they were a pair of chubby, healthy and lively people. My protective parents.The decline are too apparent this year. Ya Allah, dear merciful god, please please please shower them with good health and happiness. Shower us siblings with it too and give us never ending and heaps of rezeki so that we can take care of our parents properly.

FYI, me and Superman has passed the 1 month stay at our new rented condo. Coming to two months now, and last weekend I had my BV clan breaking their fast. It was lovely. I wrote an entry in my wordpress.com blog. I wish our next move will be our own house. Its tiring to pack and unpack. Cost us time and money too!

I can't believe I puasa just fine this year. Although sometimes, I felt like buying McDonalds and Starbucks in the middle of the day! Go Yam Go!!

So, how's your raya preparation? All done? Me? Only 1 pair of baju kurung bought. 2 tubs of biscuits given by my friends. That's it! Believe me?? :D

Till I write again in here, have fun reading my blabs in my other blog! Subscribe it will you?

Selamat berpuasa. Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin :)

Another New Address

Hey peeps. I am decided to move from Tumblr.com to WordPress.com
So my new blog from herein will be : Click here

I love Blogspot.com to bits. But hell, there's no app for Blackberry! I have not much time to spent on my laptop so I really need to go mobile, handheld. And I kind of notice my ideas flows better while on the go.

RSS feed, follow me there please. I'd like to see you there.

But fret not. This blog will remain as it is. Maybe when I have free time I will post special entries just for you my blogspot followers. Hehe.

Love you! XOXO!

I'm A Ghost Here-READ!

Heys, I've been patient enough waiting for blogspot's app for Blackberry.. Why oh why Iphone has it? Thank you for the free space I got. But now I moved to a new site. Hope you guys my avid readers will RSS Feed me there or simply open your own account. Let me see whether this works.

*testing mode starts now!*

The last Weekend Here

Hey peeps,

How's your weekend so far? Tonnes of fun or lazying around:couch potato? Whatever you do keep it up coz you will never know if you ever gonna do that in the next weekends.

Oh what in the world am I blabbing about?! Mariam, stop talking rubbish!

Actually I'm this melancholic feeling. This week has been quite a drama.

1) Last week's Friday I received a call from my brother saying that my40 years old eldest sister is getting married. As shocked as I was, I felt happy for her. It was apparently an arranged marriage. She was finally solemnized, witnessed by closed family members, on Thursday, 16th June. I have a mixed feeling about this. Being a practically independent girl, with my personal stance, I would want my sister to marry out of love. But I won't tell you about the whole drama surrounding this marriage. As a little sister, I want nothing but the best for her. Knowing her personally, I believe my parents wish is somewhat the best given her circumstances. With Allah's grace, I pray that she will one day find the LOVE in the marriage and able to feel like what I feel.
I also believe his husband, whose a native Chinese from China AND an Imam, will be able to take care of her and be a loving and patient partner. Amin.

2) Today will be my last Saturday sleeping in my current condo-Greenview Condominium. As mentioned in previous post, we found a new place. Next Saturday will be the moving out day. I am excited but at the same time, sad to leave this beautiful place. In this house, we celebrated our first anniversary. In this house, my Superman, hit the big 30. In this house, we had our ups and downs, happy moments and fights too. I love the pool, in fact, that's the biggest plus point when I decided to coax Superman to rent this place. But it's okay.
I guess, the next pool is somewhat nicer too. A bit more urban feeling compared to the resort feel here.

Besides all this, I was thinking of...hrmmhh...of....err...no..i don't have anything else to think about. Haha!

These days, I strive not to clutter my mind. One thing at a time. I know, we should be multitasking. But I just want to do the multitasking thing only in working environment. Even so, I tried to lessen it. I found that by compartmentalizing things, I am able to focus better. Get what I mean? Prioritizing as well. I used to want to do everything at one go. And I felt out of breath every time.

I get jealous with friends already buying a property. Or already looking into property buying. I can't wait for that to happen. We are not ready to settle down somewhere and at the same time our tastes are somewhat higher than we can afford. Till then..rental lah dulu!

This afternoon we went to Kota Kemuning to meet MIL and BIL family. Passed our house, I mean the house we had to sell since the location is too far from our workplace. A bit of regret. The house is really nice. And we won't be able to get the same kind of house with the same value, unless we want to move to Nilai. Please...no way! Now we have to save again(really2 struggling to save! Jeez!) for the down payment money. What a feat to go through. Arghhh!

Earthquake in My Office!

I read in my UberSocial when I woke up this morning that Sumatra, Indonesia was hit by a massive earthquake. I didn't think much until I read my friend's status update saying that he felt that the office was shaking. It was 8.08am. I had yet to reach the workplace(ha...kantoi!)

I can't remember when..few hours after that I felt like my head was spinning as if somebody shaked my head. And I looked around and nearly everybody stood up and look around. OK, it was REAL! My first tremor experience. Gotta say, awesome! I mean for the out of body experience, not thinking of the dissastrous impact it would cause.

After lunch, as I was about to focus on my work, once again it happened! And this time it was a bit more obvious than the previous one. OMG! My colleague was frowning scared! But I guess because everybody knew that there's no such thing in Malaysia due to our geographical position, we went back to normal work routine.

Update from The Star Online; http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/6/14/nation/20110614094631&sec=nation

Think if my office's in Indonesia or Japan I would have run for my life!

Now I am Finding the Time...

Hey peeps,
Ahhhh...it feels so good to be able to find time to write again. Actually I am still in office and finished my works. And somehow I felt the strong urge to write. Err..le patron, puis-je réclamer des heures supplémentaires ?

And as usual, I have no concrete plan for my writing. It's all jumbled up. Let me think....
1)Moving out and into a new condo...AGAIN!
Oh yes, this is my 4th move since the beginning of my relationship with Superman. My current owner sold his house and gave us ONE month notice to move out. We searched high and low for THE PLACE, and we found it after diligent day and night googling and asking around. Actually this place, called Aman Height, we have already viewed it before we moved into current home. But somehow, we didn't like it last time. God knows what makes us gugugaga this time around. Guess because of the superb facilities with OK price! We got our keys last night and suppose to start packing up tonight. Erkk! Just a gist of what's waiting us;

2)Jalan-jalan Non-Stop
Almost every week, I since March, I was on the road. Be it on personal or work purpose. It was a nice getaway, especially when I can claim every dime spent, but when I get back into the office, the pressure is somewhat the same or more. Enjoy my travel pics and lil explanation I :)

 Vietnam War Museum-Some souls are too devil to be called human.

Look what they did to these innocent men.

                                             Vietnam, Mekong River-with my travel buddies

 On board Sapura 3000 vessel- I hate the way I look! So gemuk and senget.

Singapore, Universal Studios-Where I felt magical and spend till drop

There's few more pictures but I don't have the time to upload now.

3) I never lose a pound and kept adding

Surprised? Not? Yeah me too! Everything doesn't fit properly now. I am already obese. Clap clap clap clap! It's depressing but I guess my desire to eat surpass the desire to get thin.See that face at Universal Studios? Compare it with this 2008 pic.

 Can you still recognize me???

Ahh...talk to you again in next entry. For now, new tasks landed in my inbox. Toodle doo!

It's My Escape

I have too many wants in this world, as what my sister said once. But you can't have it all.
I couldn't agree more.

At this moment, I just want peace. At workplace, at home, on the road, and in my mind.

Things got awry lately, unintentionally. My ex colleague kept telling me, "Chill lah! Pedulik kan je". My answer "How to lah?Everyday there's always somethin happen!"

Although I am not telling you what exactly happen, not a bit, I just want you to know, things are not really smooth these days. I am working very hard at office. Although I feel tired at times, I feel good inside. It's my escape from other parts of my life. Everytime I came back home, my back ached, my shoulders tight, my legs almost wobble, but it just feel good, empowered, and rewarding. Workaholic. But I am happy.

However, deep in my heart I worry what will happen to my marriage? How do I want to be ready to have kids soon? I know the clock is ticking. And my guilt is thickening. Guilty to dear Superman. I am too addicted with the rush of adrenaline. I simply can't imagine myself changing diapers. Not yet. Not yet. Oh, I am supposed to be maternal at this age, right?

Oh, just lets go back to work.

In Saigon Now

It's my 3rd day in Saigon with another 3 single girls. Yes, I am so married, but really, now I feel single :) oops!

I am hungry. Malay/Muslim food : fine dining here. Yes, expensive, and hard to find. Babi all over the place.
I am yearning for Nasik Lemak, Nasik Campur, Teh Tarik....with the actual taste!

I wish I packed 3-in-1, bread, tuna/sardine in cans.

But hey the hotel is cheap and nice. RM50/nite and you get something like 3 or 4 star hotel.


Till later. We are going to visit the war remnants and take pictures with the skulls. Wish me some courage:)

a MUST entry

I wrote it down in my TO-DO list : Must write an entry!

Now I'm writing it. What?! Isn't this suppose to be fun? Non-forced non compulsory act? This blog writing?

Well these days, it became a chore. I have to make time for it. I know, I think, I feel, I lost my avid readers pulse. I can see spider webs zig zagging all over the place, literally speaking!

Blah blah blah..Tettttttttt! Hrmmhh...let's see what's still left in my head that I think worth sharing.

I am going to Ho Chi Minh City! yeah! Until then...nothing much.. tata!!

Paying myself to hell

Trying my best to kill off my bad debts : Credit Cards and PTPTN. Almost everybody that I know is struggling with these two 'best friends' especially those around my age. It's like a poison candy. So yummy, red ruby like colour, but you know you will be in lot of pain when you eat it. But you still have to eat it because its too delicious to resist. Or rather there was NO other candy available and you need a candy to survive.

I can't change the history. The fact that I succumb to the poison candy temptation. But I CAN change the future. But there's a mountain to climb. I have no other resources. No piggy bank. No daddy and mummy bank. Or a fat checque from my beloved husband. Just my not-so-fat paycheck which I need for my shopping spree. What should I do my friend? I hate MLM. I am no insurance agent cum mutual funds agent wannabe. I am dead lazy. How do I overcome this? I mean not having extra money. Not the I-am-dead-lazy disease.

As far I started meddling with my own money, there's a definite conclusion; If you want to be debt-free, you have to be desire-free. Unless you inherit crazy money from your super great ancestors , OR, your generous partner IS the crazy money machine.But really, who in this materialistic world ain't got a single dime of debt? No car? No student loan? No credit card? No property? No nothing? Out of 10 people you know...how many is totally debt-free when they enter adulthood?

Money, maths, numbers makes my head spinning round and round. And I am not even tipsy.

Great great great. What else can I say?



P.s Scheduled auto-deduct from my bank account for every month to pay the damn-high-interest-PTPTN. Damn. Less one shoes allocation.

In the Mood

Its going to be a lengthy entry. I have so much in my mind that I have delayed sharing with all of you. Get your popcorn, nescafe and ciggie. You may sleep and go to toilet before finish reading them. I don't mind, as long you spend time and read it.heheh:)

2010 no more!

Summary of 2010;

First year life as a married lady.

Truthfully, being married hasn't fully absorbed in my mind. I used to think that having a ring on my finger is a definite stability in terms of relationship. Means, he's all mine and I'm all his. Turns out, it's more than that and a bit lesser. Confused? Besides having to mind that whatever we do will reflect us as a couple, there's more and more responsibility especially to each other's families. Its much more complicated and to understand your in laws than your own partners. Its like tip toeing not to break the thin surface. However, I am glad my in laws are a bunch of cool people. I hope Superman felt the same for mine. On 7.11.2010, marked our first anniversary. I wish to say we fully understand each other and everything was in synch. Not so easy. No its not. Every couples are unique. And on the last day of 2010, we reflected our relationship as husband and wife while sitting in his car in our parking lot for almost 1 hour. We realized and admitted, we are two very different person and we wondered, laughingly, how the hell we ended up marrying each other? He he. My friend, Cik Mas, was really worried as if this is the sign of break up. Actually I am glad we managed to admit our differences and guess what? We narrowed down what makes us connected. 1-Food, 2-Good families who accepted us the way we really are. Other than that, hrmh not so much, complete opposites!

Mission 2011: Work on understanding each other better and try to make our huge differences works. And personally I have to start reducing the "I" mentality and change to "we". Thanks Hana, for the advice.

Special message to Superman: Let's not jump to the next phase before we pass this phase.You know what I mean Darling:)

Career

Changed to a new job came January. I thought I was on top of the world. My boss was a lady boss.Nice change from a string of male bosses? NOT. She proves me that female bosses sucks. Hey I may be feminist. But, this oh-I-am-so-famous-kononnnnn lady boss really spoil the image of a professional and equal-to-man-emotionally that I support all the time. Maybe it was my bad luck to have her. Maybe there are good ones. Hopefully! After 3 months I said goodbye and back to supportive, calm and professional male boss in an established O&G company. What a relieve!

I love it so much here. I get the opportunity to do what I like. A nice diversion from monotonous daily secretarial tasks.  I managed a Teambuilding and Year End Dinner Party for my project team. My committee and I was praised for a job well done. All of the headache and stupid fights was worth it! In the end, almost all of my team mates had great time. Oh maybe one or two who weirdly rated us 2 out of 5 star while others gave at least 3! I don't know what's their real problem. But hey, hear the majority! That's how we are right? Democracy yo!

But as I just started to feel the grasp of my career path, My boss announced that he is retiring a week before the Teambuilding. This 17th Jan 2011 will be his last day. Suddenly, everything that he attended from that day onwards became a major attention. I am now planning for his farewell party.

I'm getting the hang of doing events. It's so much fun to plan every little detail. I became closer to my team mates. And the ones who used to resist me, ain't so resisting these days. Nice!

My new boss will be a French guy. I am not sure what I really feel. Hopefully he's as nice, dedicated and fair person like my current one.

Mission 2011: Learn French so I can't understand my new Boss better.

I Hate My Body Except my Big Fat Round Ass! :)

I was ignorant to the fact that my body ain't beautiful anymore. I can't see my chiseled face in photographs! I always look bloated. My tummy looks like I am pregnant for at least 4 months. It's not anybody's fault when they say "Berapa bulan? When are you due??" It's totally not their fault. Although, I felt like smacking their mouth right then. I felt hopeless. Not that I didn't take any measures to reduce. But it hasn't working beautifully just yet. Why? Because I was in a rut. And I was happy AND sad too much which put me on diet roller coaster. My big appetite, accompanied with ever food-loving husband and friends, caused me to have no control. There's a saying : "You are what you eat" and "You control your own life" kept ringing in my head. Its hard to understand why it never gave much impact to my behaviour towards food.

But then, after my SIL uploaded a picture of me during our family holiday in Penang recently, shot from a very unflattering angel, a clubbing night with my slim friends made me feel like an old cow, my supposed to be hot dress didn't work like magic in the Dinner Party picture I received last Friday and today, a sales rep of Bizzy Body gave his card ONLY to me when I walked pass their booth in Jusco after lunch with my officemates, I can't take it anymore. This is too much for me to swallow!

Dear Allah, help me! Dear friends, help me! Despite all the love and awesome career I have, I still feel shitty whenever I look in the mirror and see the fat girl!

Mission 2011: Reduce weight, hoping to get back to 58kg, Top size M, waist:30 by 31.12.11..Approx 2 kg monthly. I MUST do it!! 

to be continued..