Paying myself to hell

Trying my best to kill off my bad debts : Credit Cards and PTPTN. Almost everybody that I know is struggling with these two 'best friends' especially those around my age. It's like a poison candy. So yummy, red ruby like colour, but you know you will be in lot of pain when you eat it. But you still have to eat it because its too delicious to resist. Or rather there was NO other candy available and you need a candy to survive.

I can't change the history. The fact that I succumb to the poison candy temptation. But I CAN change the future. But there's a mountain to climb. I have no other resources. No piggy bank. No daddy and mummy bank. Or a fat checque from my beloved husband. Just my not-so-fat paycheck which I need for my shopping spree. What should I do my friend? I hate MLM. I am no insurance agent cum mutual funds agent wannabe. I am dead lazy. How do I overcome this? I mean not having extra money. Not the I-am-dead-lazy disease.

As far I started meddling with my own money, there's a definite conclusion; If you want to be debt-free, you have to be desire-free. Unless you inherit crazy money from your super great ancestors , OR, your generous partner IS the crazy money machine.But really, who in this materialistic world ain't got a single dime of debt? No car? No student loan? No credit card? No property? No nothing? Out of 10 people you know...how many is totally debt-free when they enter adulthood?

Money, maths, numbers makes my head spinning round and round. And I am not even tipsy.

Great great great. What else can I say?



P.s Scheduled auto-deduct from my bank account for every month to pay the damn-high-interest-PTPTN. Damn. Less one shoes allocation.

In the Mood

Its going to be a lengthy entry. I have so much in my mind that I have delayed sharing with all of you. Get your popcorn, nescafe and ciggie. You may sleep and go to toilet before finish reading them. I don't mind, as long you spend time and read it.heheh:)

2010 no more!

Summary of 2010;

First year life as a married lady.

Truthfully, being married hasn't fully absorbed in my mind. I used to think that having a ring on my finger is a definite stability in terms of relationship. Means, he's all mine and I'm all his. Turns out, it's more than that and a bit lesser. Confused? Besides having to mind that whatever we do will reflect us as a couple, there's more and more responsibility especially to each other's families. Its much more complicated and to understand your in laws than your own partners. Its like tip toeing not to break the thin surface. However, I am glad my in laws are a bunch of cool people. I hope Superman felt the same for mine. On 7.11.2010, marked our first anniversary. I wish to say we fully understand each other and everything was in synch. Not so easy. No its not. Every couples are unique. And on the last day of 2010, we reflected our relationship as husband and wife while sitting in his car in our parking lot for almost 1 hour. We realized and admitted, we are two very different person and we wondered, laughingly, how the hell we ended up marrying each other? He he. My friend, Cik Mas, was really worried as if this is the sign of break up. Actually I am glad we managed to admit our differences and guess what? We narrowed down what makes us connected. 1-Food, 2-Good families who accepted us the way we really are. Other than that, hrmh not so much, complete opposites!

Mission 2011: Work on understanding each other better and try to make our huge differences works. And personally I have to start reducing the "I" mentality and change to "we". Thanks Hana, for the advice.

Special message to Superman: Let's not jump to the next phase before we pass this phase.You know what I mean Darling:)

Career

Changed to a new job came January. I thought I was on top of the world. My boss was a lady boss.Nice change from a string of male bosses? NOT. She proves me that female bosses sucks. Hey I may be feminist. But, this oh-I-am-so-famous-kononnnnn lady boss really spoil the image of a professional and equal-to-man-emotionally that I support all the time. Maybe it was my bad luck to have her. Maybe there are good ones. Hopefully! After 3 months I said goodbye and back to supportive, calm and professional male boss in an established O&G company. What a relieve!

I love it so much here. I get the opportunity to do what I like. A nice diversion from monotonous daily secretarial tasks.  I managed a Teambuilding and Year End Dinner Party for my project team. My committee and I was praised for a job well done. All of the headache and stupid fights was worth it! In the end, almost all of my team mates had great time. Oh maybe one or two who weirdly rated us 2 out of 5 star while others gave at least 3! I don't know what's their real problem. But hey, hear the majority! That's how we are right? Democracy yo!

But as I just started to feel the grasp of my career path, My boss announced that he is retiring a week before the Teambuilding. This 17th Jan 2011 will be his last day. Suddenly, everything that he attended from that day onwards became a major attention. I am now planning for his farewell party.

I'm getting the hang of doing events. It's so much fun to plan every little detail. I became closer to my team mates. And the ones who used to resist me, ain't so resisting these days. Nice!

My new boss will be a French guy. I am not sure what I really feel. Hopefully he's as nice, dedicated and fair person like my current one.

Mission 2011: Learn French so I can't understand my new Boss better.

I Hate My Body Except my Big Fat Round Ass! :)

I was ignorant to the fact that my body ain't beautiful anymore. I can't see my chiseled face in photographs! I always look bloated. My tummy looks like I am pregnant for at least 4 months. It's not anybody's fault when they say "Berapa bulan? When are you due??" It's totally not their fault. Although, I felt like smacking their mouth right then. I felt hopeless. Not that I didn't take any measures to reduce. But it hasn't working beautifully just yet. Why? Because I was in a rut. And I was happy AND sad too much which put me on diet roller coaster. My big appetite, accompanied with ever food-loving husband and friends, caused me to have no control. There's a saying : "You are what you eat" and "You control your own life" kept ringing in my head. Its hard to understand why it never gave much impact to my behaviour towards food.

But then, after my SIL uploaded a picture of me during our family holiday in Penang recently, shot from a very unflattering angel, a clubbing night with my slim friends made me feel like an old cow, my supposed to be hot dress didn't work like magic in the Dinner Party picture I received last Friday and today, a sales rep of Bizzy Body gave his card ONLY to me when I walked pass their booth in Jusco after lunch with my officemates, I can't take it anymore. This is too much for me to swallow!

Dear Allah, help me! Dear friends, help me! Despite all the love and awesome career I have, I still feel shitty whenever I look in the mirror and see the fat girl!

Mission 2011: Reduce weight, hoping to get back to 58kg, Top size M, waist:30 by 31.12.11..Approx 2 kg monthly. I MUST do it!! 

to be continued..