It is Weird to Say Hello?

The fifth day in this Company, I still don't feel settled.

I thought, sitting in my own private room in my old offices, which is of course totally comfy, is a relationship barrier with officemates. An invisible wall. But perhaps I was wrong. I used to easily warmed up within few days with my new found colleague.

I thought now sitting in a low-rise cubicle should speed up the ice breakers within few hours. Hell no! Right next to me, there's a cute mat salleh guy(Superman, he's just cute, but totally not my type..don't worry). He came in the office yesterday after his offshore duties. And now, after one and a half day, both of us never said a word to each other. Both didn't know each other's names. I don't even know what he's doing. This is bad. I blame it on my part too.

My brain was freezed. I couldn't recall names. I couldn't recall what their positions are. I can only recall their faces. OMG! And my mouth couldn't start a decent conversation. I feel like an idiot! I always imagine this very me right now, are the kind of people which has very low self esteem, thus, very shy and always sit at the far end corner or refuse to participate in social events. I am so not that kind of person. Well, at least as far as I am concern. Since when did I have this 'very low' self esteem?!! This frustrates me like nobody business. Its like a new kid trying to fit in a new school. I am not trying to be the popular girl. I just want to fit in nicely, without any drama.

But i'm lucky that most people here are very nice. I haven't seen nasty remarks been made about anybody yet. Still figuring out the social hierarchy and the office culture here. Maybe, it takes a cuppa coffe with my mates to extract the topics. It seems like they don't do gossip on the floor. That's very good!The girl that I'm taking over the place has been serving the project for two years at least, thus the most senior secretary. And i'm the greenest newbie. There's at least 15 more secretaries, I think? I wonder how I'm cut out for the role. Big change, big responsibilities indeed. But if i'm hired, means the Management trusts me so much aite? Whoaaa! Pressure is ON!

Update on the condo-hunting: Found another vacant unit in the same condo. Tonight, we will be meeting the owner. Praying hard, the same stupid thing not to happen again.:) Aishah...lil Sara can come and play! yeay!

Few More Hours, Please!

I found that my life has been a routine.

My morning starts at 6:30am, if you doesn't count the multiple alarm snoozing I made until the clock strikes 7am:) I took my shower and I had to get ready by 7.30am. After having my breakfast lovingly prepared by my Papa or Mummy, I hit the road by 7.45am for work.Work starts at 8.30am, ends at 5.30pm. I usually took dinner by 8pm. And by 9.30pm my eyes automatically enters pre-shut down mode. I rarely hit the bed after 1030am. Still, sometimes I felt that I didn't have enough sleep. And the cycle repeats itself 5 days a week.

I found it hard to break.

Maybe my body is not as fit like I was in university. Back then, I could wake up before 6.30am, did my morning prayers, hit the lake behind my college for a morning walk or run. And sometimes I went for swimming, at least thrice a week. No doubt, I was about 15kg lighter than now. Maybe life was simpler back then. I have breaks between classes. I was less stressed up. Money is not really an issue. No bills to pay under my name.

What should I do now?

p/s : Why the hell I became a whining bitch these few days?? Maybe I'm getting my period? Hrmmh..what a curse..oh no...its the hormones! Damn you hormones!

Another Round of UPSET!!!

Why oh why!!! Why bad luck's looming around me!!

Just got a text msg from the unit owner of the condo I was talking about;

"soli, cik mariam, pls to inform that my unit is unavailable for renting, as informed by my agent on yesterday, there is a client has confirmed n also has paid all the payments..thus today appointment have to cancel.. soli and thx"

What the fuck?? oh sorry... WTF?(lembut sket nampaknye)

We were waiting to meet her to sign the agreement and pay, after work today. I am quite excited. That, crushed me to the core.

Superman told me that we will still try to find other units. No matter what. F her!

It Should Be a Lovely Morning...Always..

I was still feeling sore from the event last night. My anger still haven't fully dissipate by the time I woke up. Decidedly, the 8 hours beauty sleep did make wonders. I felt somewhat calmer and ready to face the day. How I wish it was like yesterday's morning, every single day of my life. How I wish, I end my day with smiles like I was on honeymoon recently. How I wish.

I think, this won't bring any happiness if it is prolonged. I mean, sulking. I am easy to forgive people. But to forget is never easy.

I am not a perfect person myself. Being human we are blessed with emotional and intellectual capacity to learn from mistakes and improve ourselves. I also know that every changes we are trying to make needs time. After all we don't mature in one day. It takes years and years. Just that, if we don't want to change just because we choose to follow our ego, stopping ourselves from understanding the actual issue and continue blaming every other person all the time, how far do you think everyone will tolerate?

I know this entry is no fun. Its too serious for your liking. I am sorry. However it teaches each of you readers to have an open mind. Question yourself first before you start blaming others. Use kind words if really what you mean is good. I just don't get it when some says harsh words or actions, in the name of love. What's the rationale is there?

Negative=Positive.

Mismatched equation isn't it?

Terribly Hurt

This is a sad+angry+ashamed entry.
If YOU read this, please understand with all your heart.

You are everything to me.
You makes the world a better place to live in.

But then it all change now.

And I am hurt by your words, your voice, your gesture.
Undeniably, enveloped by your fury and clouded your judgement.
I don't understand why it has to be that way.
Did I not try? Did I not try many times?
Why can't you be a calmer person?
Why can't you think before you say things?
Am I not worth your respect?
Am I not everything to you?
Am I??

Today is Definitely Different!

I think Allah heard my prayers last night.

Today at office is very very nice. Still no works yet. But at least;

1) My desktop is set up. I have access to everything except SKYPE, FB, FS and MYSPACE. At least I can blog, blog hopping and chat on YM! yeay!!

2) I made friends! Not just one or two, but additional 9 person today. Hehe. We even went out for lunch at the Mines. They all just received their salary, whereas I am still waiting for the golden call from the old office. Big chance I can only enjoy the cash next week:(

Last night, Superman told me that his mum and little sister will stay with us at our new place until their new house in Klang complete its renovation. The current house has been sold and they have to move out by middle of May. That could be a good three months. Did you hear hesitation coming from me? To be frank I am quite nervous. I am usually good with people. But I am not sure about in laws especially MIL living together. But thinking that Superman is currently living with my family since January, and he seemed perfectly jived in, I think I should accept the situation with open heart. Yes Darling, I'll do it for you and to test myself. At least I have a nice swimming pool to relax shall I need a time out(but am feeling shy to wear my almost naked swimsuit with them around. A reason to shop for cover ups??Huhu).

O&G, so what??!

Today marked my first day working as part of Malaysian O&G industry. Am I proud of it? YES. Why? Because its hard to breakthrough. And I made it. Alhamdulillah.

But, I was so curious why majority of people was so gung-ho about it.

The answer arrived in the form of written texts, that is, the T&C for Local Employees from the Company. OMG. Helluva of greatness!! Staffs are paid  bonus if they stay with the company for at least 3 years! Talk about motivation for staying in the very same environment for such a long period of time. And other benefits are too good to be true in early Monday morning. I already made a promise to myself to stay focus and be positive. Come what may! :)

However, my first day is not glorious or energetic. My boss is overseas until next week. His secretary(she was transferred to a different department) who is suppose to handover to me was on MC. The desktop was not prepared by the IT officer. In the end I spent RM20.50 to buy magazines to fill up my day. By 4pm, I finished reading all of them, and went to the reception to borrow the newspapers. My neck was all strained. I didn't make any friends yet. Went to lunch alone. Everybody was so busy doing their works. Nobody was gossiping or on Facebook(still not sure whether it is allowed or not). There were about 200 people on the floor. Wonder whether everybody knows each other? I text Superman and few buddies every now and then. The environment was so different when I worked in ASTRO. One thing good about big companies like this is, everybody mind their own business. Good to focus on your job. But really, is it really healthy to be all about work at workplace? Aren't we all human?

What's your worst experience at workplace?? Tell me.

Perhaps, tomorrow will be a better day:)

p.s : I still love condo. Superman, please change your choice. I love you:)